who I am instead

Something has happened that has never happened before. I'm actually dreading going back for second term. I love school.

Its just that, for some reason, the end of the first term had an unnatural sense of utter completion to it. I'm not completely certain why. It could be that one of my classes was a half-credit, or that I had a very large assignment due in each class, or that I don't have another large assignment due for a few months.

It could be that there was a lot of... ending this term A lot of emotional and intellectual "endings." Things that have occipied my psyche for a long time that are no longer present. It's almost like this new term is like starting in September.

Or like it's totally starting over. Completely. Interestingly this marks literally the half-way point of my university education.

What I left will no longer be there when I return.

But I am looking forward to seeing some people when I get back. And as much as things have ended, other things have started. Exciting things. It seems that even though I am leaving last term void of the past two years, it is still a journey into the unknown future.

Excitement and dread:
this is who I am instead.