...to burn your bridges by.

If there has ever been a time in my Christian life when I have been the closest to giving up on God, church, and all of that, it was this weekend.

It wasn't for any specific reason. Over the past eight months I have acquired a surplus of doubt, bitterness, and anger, with a deficit of prayer and bible study. I put this in economic terms because it is only appropriate. More time with God = joy and conviction, less time with God =rampant sin and despair. Self-inflicted, of course.

I didn't tell many people about this... out of shame, etc. But it got to the point that I couldn't hide my doubts and anger any more and those closest to me began to notice me changing... becoming less Christ-like, and doing so at a somewhat alarming rate.

On Friday night I was about ready to pack it all in, and completely give up on God and my faith, and I think I did, for about a day. I had an interesting discussion with Kim, who brought it to my attention that everyone knew something was up.

On Saturday I had coffee with Caroline, and she pretty much made me realize I was being an idiot... on the walk home I ran into a boy from the Bridge who informed me that his girlfriend was now pregnant.

I can be such a God-damned selfish ass.

I think I'm doing better now. I prayed today and read three chapters from Job. That shouldn't be something special but considering I haven't read my bible or prayed in about a month I think that's a good start.

Aaron Holbrough preached at Church in the Caf on Sunday, and though I doubt it was his intention, he certainly convicted me of my problem.

Off with your head
We'll take it all back and then some
Never again... Off with your head
We'll cut out all that's a hindrance
Bleed the old man-
Andrew Schwab