do you still believe?

Argh. No sleep last night at all. I must say that funny as it is, I had a normal bed time for 22 years but after 4 months of working midnights last summer I still haven't been able to regulate my sleeping pattern. Some days I go to bed at 10:00pm, and other days, probably as a combination of my overly thoughtful nature, caffeine on an overly sensitive nervous system, and a burdened spirit... no sleep. I look at my clock at 1am and realize I really need to sleep before my alarm goes off at 4:3oam so I can go to work. Next thing I know, three hours of rumination upon a combination of the biblical precept of tithing, Super Metroid, missing Rachel, and song lyrics forming in my brain, my alarm goes off and I laugh. I am still awake, for almost 36 hours by now and I'm still only partially tired.

My friend Peter really, really wants to start a spazz-thrash band, Slayer meets The Chariot style. He has invited me to do vocals and I will oblige if anything comes of it, but since all my past musical forays have failed I'm not going to get my hopes up. However I am surprised by the ease at which I am writing lyrics, not straight poetry, but actual lyrics that I could fit to music. We'll see how it goes. In any case the band would be called "Whores." and my lyrics are taking the direction of humanity's infidelity with God, so "Whore" is probably the best descriptor. Funny thing is that everyone Peter has asked to be in the band is a Christian, and he is not. Sounds like a good opportunity to me!

And as another note Ashamed is definitely the best Suffering & the Hideous Thieves record...

And uh, I miss Rachel, haven't really seen her for a week minus the 10 minutes spent at her place with Jerry on Wednesday. This rather sucks as our relationship tends to improve both of us. We need some improvin' says I!

On another note I am unfortunately back on the heart meds as well as the thyroid stuff, so 5 pills a day until June 1st then 3 a day. The pills are having a strong effect on me. I guess I never realized how much of a role metabolic hormones play on my personality. I feel calmer, however still easily agitated. If I miss a pill or two or take them irregularly I become flightly, tired and light-headed.... kind of like I want to vomit and sleep at the same time...

Please keep praying over this. I would like a full recovery and would prefer to not take pills for the rest of my life, especially as they do modify my personality (some would say for the better no doubt! lol)

that will be all for now, see yas!