These streets aren't paved with gold

Listening to: Zao- Psalm of the City of the Dead What's that I hear? Pretty female singing vocals...piano...whoa, man. Zao has really stretched themselves on this, their seventh full-length, "The Funeral of God." This song alone is worth the price of the album. I can't believe I didn't notice this tucked away in that corner of music world sooner...Zao is back with a vengeance. Oh yeah, this song is 8 minutes long, and we all know how much I love an epic song.
 
So. Worked today. Mom's at the trailer for a week, so I'm stuck with Dad, and don't get me wrong, this could be a good thing.
 
I've been feeling this oppressingly heavy spiritual burden...oppressing yet exciting...It's like...something major is on the verge of happening...somethiing life shatteringly crazy...And God's sitting there waiting for me to figure this all out (with his good guidance of course...) Crazy times.
 
Time to sit back and wait out this tempest, and prepare for the storm...

I was fooled again

Listening to: Tourniquet- A Dog's Breakfast My favourite band. One of my favourite songs by my favourite band, and considering they have 10 albums, that's saying a lot.
 
Going to my trailer this weekend for...reflection. And much eating of lobster, steak, shrimp and bacon-wrapped scallops. Oh joy.

Prove me wrong, please.

Listening to: Maggie Fame- Angels of Ordinary Men A local (Peterborough) band that released two eps before having a few line-up changes and changing their name to Money, Money. This is the better of the two eps, and is ridiculously out of print.
 
Okay. Time for a bible study:
 
1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? 5Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong? 8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right. 9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11For he who said, "Do not commit adultery,"also said, "Do not murder." If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. 12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment! (James 2:1-13, NIV)
 
Okay. Here's the deal. This chapter is so convicting to me because, when I go to church, I see a bunch of men wearing suits and ties, and women with nice jewellery. I see certain people being lifted up as more "spiritual" than others. And I don't question their intentions, but everyone at my church is middle or upper class. Read the passage, it's so true. The church lifts up those that are rich, simply by the clothes we wear (and some legalistic churches go as far as to have an enforced dress code, ridiculous!)
 
I don't know if you go to church, but I haven't seen a homeless person at church recently. They would never come, they would feel unwelcome, by those that should welcome them the most, and in the name of Christ. And then, as I read Christian publications, I see an ad for a Christian "leadership conference," and one of the speakers is the successful CEO of Wal-Mart! What? Is he a Christian? And if so, why does he allow his company to use sweatshops for labour? Is this the goal for a "successful" Christian in North America, to be rich and powerful at the expense of others?
 
I don't mean to sound "holier than thou" here, I make plently of mistakes and am comparitively rich to many, but I think many North American Christians may be forgetting the reason we're here: to serve, to preach the gospel, to go to where others are, as opposed to expecting them to come to us. That is our calling.
 
Now lets all go do that.
My resolution is to carry $20 of my tithe in my pocket at all times, so when I see a homeless person I can buy them a meal. Hold me to it.
 
PS: I tend to be pessimistic about eveything, so forgive me if I've been a bit heavy handed in this.

there is nothing that separates a man from a boy

Listening to: Blindside- As You Walk Despite how much I love Christian's singing voice, and how much I dig Blindside's past couple records, every once and a while I need to throw on "A thought crushed my mind" and scream my buttocks off.
 
So I was at Tim Horton's for 9.5 hours again today. I love it when 4 hour shifts multiply.
 
So, tonight if it's not raining all crazy like I'm gonna do the coffee thing with Rochelle (whom I haven't seen in way too long.) Tomorrow I'm gonna hang with Sarah and her friend Rose (we decided to spend less time alone, as that can be misunderstood, and after all, if I was dating a girl I woundn't want to to spend up to 20 hours a week alone with another guy, so it's all respect.) We're gonna go "shopping" (they are, I have $2.00 to my name). And watch X-Men 2. So that is that.

What an easy way to break the ice.

Listening to: Nothing. I believe in silence...
 
So yesterday I was sitting around at 10:30 waiting for Sarah to phone me, and the only sound I heard was the soft gurgle of my air conditioner...I reflected over the past two weeks and realized that the only thing I've thought about at all is music... to avoid the thoughts of everything else.
 
When I was at Tim Horton's...When I was sleeping in my warm bed, there was a flood outside that destroyed all the downtown shops. And there were homeless people (some of whom I know personally) who were indeed out there, in that storm, as I slept quietly. Affluence is a blessing and a curse.
 
The reason why Sarah and I are friends is, so that, hopefully, I can help her know Jesus Christ. That's it. The only reason. And as it stands I have no reason to selfishly hope that I know her for any other reason. Because, reflecting upon my feelings is suicidal as my feelings are biased, self-centred, and in all fact, quite irrelevant unless the Lord himself has put them there. And he hasn't put the ones I like to reflect on most there.
 
Anything I do, or anything I say to Sarah...on anything she sees coming from me that does not help her know Christ better, and does not reflect the character of Christ in me is sinful. Because, not only does it not glorify God, but it actually hinders her knowledge of Christ as opposed to helping her to know him. And screwing everyone over like that is something I'm way too good at considering I love my own self-seeking desires more than I love God or my neighbour.
 
Even this blog is self-centred. To think that people would actually want to read about my life, and perhaps gain some insight from me.

I was once the wine, and you were the wineglass

Listening to: mewithoutYou- Everything Was Beautiful, And Nothing Hurt I'm starting to understand why this is considered by the critics to be one of the best underground hardcore/indie records that nobody has ever heard. And, man, this is their debut! I've only heard 5 songs off this record so far, and I already can't wait till their new one drops in September (I think). Aaron Jonathan Weiss' scream/yell/sing/talk/whatever vocals are not something to be missed, nor the crazy music arrangements...
 
Another crazy 9 hour day at work. I've had fun though (imagine that). i'm looking forward to tomorrow for a day off work, (and the putting of the mewithoutYou in the Bridge's cd player, mwa-ha-ha...) Also getting together with Sarah tonight and Rochelle on Monday. And Next weekend is to the trailer for a Lobster/ steak dinner...rocks!
 
But yeah, Something I've been thinking about recently is that so often I pray the wrong prayers...it's like, "God, give me the strength to..." or "more faith for..." when...he already has! The scripture makes that quite clear. God already gives me all the strength/ faith I'll need. My problem is me being lazy and stubborn. God gives me strength, but he doesn't use it for me, I have to want to.
 
That be my thoughts.
 
PS: I love you Katherine, thanks for reading.
 
I was once the wine,
And you were the wineglass
I was once alive-
when you held me
God became the glass,
all things left were emptiness.
Oh, my little girl, if you look out
And see a trace of dark red
That used to be my face
in the clarity of his grace
Remember me.-
Aaron Jonathan Weiss, last stanza of "Nice and Blue"
Yay, using the metaphor of committing adultery to speak about ending a relationship for God's will. I love this man.

6:19 as I awake

Listening to: Further Seems Forever- On Legendary Ah, excellent come down music after a crazy-go-nuts day.
 
Today was insane. I mean, totally crazy. There was a mass flooding in the big city of the P-Dot, resulting in half the city having water 6-7 feet deep in their basments.
 
And of course, I'm werkin' away at your friendly neighbourhood (that's Canadian spelling, kids) Timmy Ho's. Everybody in the city came today. No joke, We moved like, 48 sandwiches in two hours. Super crazy. That and I walked to work in the rain. Ha.

I would kill to see your face

Listening to: Embodyment- Winter Kiss Borrowing "The Narrow Scope of Things" from Jerry (Yet again) Another album to file in the list of "albums I need to get within my existance on this planet." A classic.

So uh, not much exciting today. My Tat is healing up all nice and stuff. Still baking at Timmy Ho's. Went out for some coffee and chats with my good friend Katherine yesterday, and as it stands, going out for some fast food with Nikki on Wednesday (and that should render me COMPLETELY broke until next Wednesday...) That be the life of me in these days.

A Bird shaped blood stain

Listening to: Further Seems Forever- Against My Better Judgement Didn't you know we wear the same, the same pretentious name?

Got my first Tattoo today. Now I have a paper towel taped to my back with a curious bird shaped blood stain upon it...

Ah...Tattoo calls for some FSF...like much else I'm doing these days...

Consider this a rehearsal

Listening to: Further Seems Forever- How to Start A Fire I think Code is taking over my brain...

Part II of My Last Entry:

So Sarah and I got together at 2:00pm at Dreams and Breans (mmm... coffee). We then went to The Surface Bar to make an appointment for my first tattoo (Sarah designed it.) After this we rented Bowling For Columbine by Michael Moore, which, though it has its biases and flaws (eg. the "Canadian ghetto" that really isn't a Canadian ghetto...) is most definitely worth watching a few times

We then watched X-Men...funny after watching BFC.

Then we ate unhealthy food ad walked around for three hours. Days off work are so cool.

Today's REAL entry:

Yesterday got "New Medicines" by Dead Poetic, which I rarely take a break from at all, and today went to work. bleh. Tomorrow gettin' together with Code for some hardcore chats and tunage (as well as making a mix cd for Sarah, belated b-day present.) And general crazy-go-nuts cool stuff.

And he was like, "Dude. I found your comb!"
And I was like, "NO WAY!"
And he was like, "Yeah, and stuff."
And I was like, "ROCK ON!"

We Could Start A Fire...

Listening to: Further Seems Forever- How To Start A Fire Finally got this record.

So...Today I have the day off work, and I'm supposed to go see Spider Man 2 with Sarah...and though it's a movie I never really planned on seeing, at least I can spend some time with her...

I'm also setting up an appointment to get my first tattoo, which Sarah designed for me (I get to see it for the first time today). We are supposed to meet at 1:00pm.

And I really wish I knew where...

Dead Skin Like Stone Makes Me Ugly

Listening to: Blindside- After You're Gone

There could be victory in the words I do not write
The ones you don't read
That are not left behind

There is a treason in this purity that brings a lump to your throat
Another lost investment

Come on, do you think you could win this fight?

My concern is not with this battle, or even with you
I will seek this newfound freedom
for the love that is given
To show them what you blinded me to see

I don't think I could ever love so empty

Listening to: Pedro the Lion- The Poison (Live Summer Tour '04) This song has one of the best closing couplets ever: "My old man always swore that hell would have no flames / Just a front row seat to watch your true love pack her things and drive away."

I do not need
but always, always want.
I could never hold this desire:
"But at least you killed my apathy,"
I say so apathetically;
"Difficult but comfortable,"
you say.
But never comfortable.
I could really get used to this emotional adultery,
but I realize that I'm cheating the four of us.

I don't want to be prophetic,
Or cryptic, or a liar.
I'll give you a birthday present you can cherish,
and rip my heart form my chest so you can't see it.

'Cause I don't think I could ever love so empty.