update

DONE!!! JOY!!!

tho my sessay is thone

I tso funisjed my boewluf sessay.

(But now I need to write my Untouchable essay... IT NEVER ENDS!)

I just read through all my posts from last March. Funny stuff. It seems as though I thought school would kill me. It didn't. I'll get through it this year too, I hope.

Excerpt from a song for Joshua

I sing an old song: Lhude! Lhude! Lhude! Moses is dead, son, take up your arms.

3 1/2 pints of coke...

...is way too much coke.

Soon (very soon) I will be posting a detailed (but abridged) account of my salvation and Christian life so far. On Wednesday March 1 I will be telling my "faith story" at TCF Openhouse located in the Native Studies lounge (OC 211). A "faith story" is a souped up testimony that doesn't stop with the saving aspect. There will also be two others giving faith stories, and you should come. But if you can't, my story will be on here Thursday sometime.

I've been obsessively listening to Give Us Barabbas by The Blamed, and the more I listen, the more I'm convinced it's an album that everyone should own. You can get it for like, $10 at any Christian bookstore because experimental punk-jazz core doesn't sell too well in the Christian scene. (Neither do albums with titles that invoke the image of all of God's followers turning their backs on him... or bands that name themselves with total depravity in mind...) Anyway, go buy it for ten freaking dollars. Or order it online cheaper. Seriously. (And if " experimental punk-jazz core" doesn't make you interested you probably don't like music).

Sunday promises to be a very interesting day. For those of you somewhat involved, (and if you know what I'm getting to here you're involved) please pray. Prayer is good. Prayer is the way that we accomplish God's will. We don't want to make any mistakes.

P.S. Jesus loves you. And that shouldn't be the PS, it should be the main message.

It is a sad day....

R.I.P.
Further Seems Forever:

You will be missed.
Thank you for seven years of enlightening and challenging music.

(questions)

1. Are you willing to give up comfort, security, possessions and safety to accomplish the will of God?
2. Are you willing to go anywhere at any time for the sake of the Gospel?
3. Are you willing to choose to love sacrificially like Christ?
   

felt needs

K, so I'm copying Mr. Bremner. So, you type " [your name] needs" in Google, copy and paste away. Oh fun!

Noah needs a home ASAP!!
Noah needs a nap.
Noah needs a presence on the web, doesn't he?
Noah needs your help today.
Noah needs a haircut.
Noah needs help.
Noah needs a liver!
Noah needs a two parent adoptive family who is loving and nurturing.
Noah needs something to collect the animals with.
Noah needs to be anchored so he can work.
Noah needs 8 megs of ram to run.
Noah needs expert help to save Ruth from a fate worse than Ham.
Noah needs an appointment with a foot surgeon.
Noah needs less nurturing than I did but appreciates positive reinforcement.

dust

Jer, Toddy and I had breakfast at Smitty's today. Southern Skillets make me drool. After We went to Emmaus and I got the new issue of Relevant Magazine, I am contemplating a subscription.

Later I went to Lansdowne Place with Chris Smith and picked up the new Thrice album, Vheissu. We then went to Trent U to study.

God makes us pregnant (cf. Rom 7)

When I sin I must realize that my sin is first an offense against God. I must grieve my sin because my sin makes God weep. Feeling bad because my sin may affect my other relationships is good, but if that is the only reason I am upset, it is a selfish reason and is sinful in itself.

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted

How do you like your winters?

Crisp.
I like my winters crisp

twenty

So, Megs did the whole "five books that changed my life," so I'll do twenty albums that changed my life. (Narrowing this down would be too painful... so 20 it is!)

1. Green Day- Insomniac, age 12:

Though I don't listen to them now, this was the first album I ever bought with my own money. "Geek Stink Breath" is one of the best videos ever.

2. Smashing Pumpkins- Mellon Collie & the Infinite Saddness, age 13:

Defined my musical tastes for a long time. Got me into "epic" songs... so Jerry's theory that I don't like songs unless they're 8+ minutes goes back to here.

3. The Beatles- Revolver, age 14:

Woah.... um... wow.

4. Radiohead- Ok Computer, age 14:

I bought this on the day it came out, so take that you art-rock hipsters!

4. Pink Floyd- The Wall, 15:

Art rock is awesome. First "questionable" and "edgy" album I bought.

6. Metallica- Self-titled ("The Black Album"), age 15:

The love affair with metal starts here.

7. Matthew Good Band- Beautiful Midnight, age 16:

My biggest lyrical influence

8. Anthrax- Volume 8: The Threat is Real!, age 17:

My second fav metal album.

9. Focused- The Hope that Lies Within, age 18:

What?! Good Christian metal! No way!

10. Living Sacrifice- The Hammering Process, age 18:

The name-sake of this blog. This album has had more spiritual impact on me than anything else except the bible. So all you "no christian metal" advocates can shut your dirty mouthes.

11. Norma Jean- Bless the Martyr and Kiss the Child, age 18:

I also bought this on the day it came out. Again, naysayers silenced!

12. Zao- Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest, age 18:

This album owns! Like, you need to own it. Right now.

13. Tourniquet- Microscopic View of a Telescopic Realm, age 19:

If you do not agree that this is the best thrash album ever, I will fight you. And that is no lie.

14. Project 86- Songs to Burn Your Bridges By, age 20:

Helped me through a really hard time with a former church.

15. Further Seems Forever, How to Start a Fire, age 20:

The beginning of my "more than metal" conversion.

16. Pedro the Lion- Control, age 20:

Literally redefined what music means to me

17. mewithoutYou- Catch for Us the Foxes, age 21:

Best album of all time. No joke.

18. Suffering & the Hideous Thieves- Rats in Heaven, age 21:

Are Christians allowed to express these kinds of feelings? Kind of like Control, but more maniacal.

19. Sunny Day Real Estate- How it Feels to be Something On, age 21:

Where was I in 1998?! Oh yeah, listening to Korn (shudder).

20. Derek Webb, She Must and Shall Go Free, age 22:

Just when I had all but given up on CCM, Todd comes along and introduces me to this record. Very convicting stuff.

community (the image of God invisible)

Usually when I go on retreats (christian or not) I am entirely grateful to be alone at the end of it. I'm an only child, I like my solitude....

However I'm not feeling this today. Now that I am at my house... alone with my homework, my computer, and my memories of this weekend... rather than feeling relief I feel a void. I'm starting to realize that christianity is not compatible with independance. God created us to be in constant communion with him and each other. Without communion with other believers growth is impossible, and faith is stunted.

Notably I need to thank Todd, Paul, David, and Natalie: all of you have enriched my life unquantifiably; each of you knew exactly what you needed to do to tear away my pride and show me what I am and what I need to be... whether that was by prayer, singing a song in the car, massive bear-hug, or just a smile. Thank you. Thank you for caring, loving, teaching, edifying, and just being. Hopefully I will be these for you as well. Thank you for showing me God.

The two Noahs will be reconciled and made new, and its on your account more than mine.

RETREAT!!!

Well, the past few posts have been me dealing with things that are a pain. I am glad that I am going on the TCF retreat this weekend, because it will give me time to get away from everything and figure some stuff out.

TCF Retreat

I'm going on the TCF retreat even if it kills me.

Most likely it will.

Plathean

It's only going to be one year. It could be a bad year or a good year. Let's stop beating around the bush. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you never telling me how you feel and slamming doors and stomping your feet instead. I'm sick of thinking I'm better than you because I don't do that. I'm sick of wanting to purposely do things that make you mad because I'm mad at you. I'm sick of you yelling at me for everything I don't do and everything I do. I'm sick of having absolutely no desire to do the things I'm supposed to because it's never good enough for you.

It's funny how much our relationship mirrors the one with my heavenly father... but you would never care about that.

So how far have I fallen?
How much have I tolerated?

Your blessings should be curses.

on the road in my mind

It's too easy to erase a mistake. It's too easy
Hey! I'm so sick of this town and I wanna get out and never come back. I could have a heart attack and die at 47, hey Jack! take me on the road with you. We could go to Denver, Colorado or maybe just Toronto or Victoria or Vancouver
Cause it's too easy to erase a mistake but it ain't too hard to remember this goddam town. We could hitch-hike or drive a broken car get some sally ann clothes and never shave or cut our hair
Then no one who knows us will ever recognize our goddam forsaken faces again. But what's it to them anyway, Jack?
Do you wanna come with me? Maybe it'll even be fun we could sleep in a dingy hotel and get some lice and make love. We could scratch our names along with obscene remarks on the wall beside the pillow and maybe we'll forget who we are or maybe we'll finally remember
I never knew what I wanted in life, I could've been a doctor or a teacher but I like to write so I think I'll write and you can write with me Jack, my spirit in yours or something like that
some sorta hindu reincarnation
I never knew what I wanted to feel but all I know now is that I've spent 22 years running away from feeling like this or maybe it was running away from him because he always knew what to do to stop me dead in my tracks
Jack, you know it's my dad. He makes
Or maybe I don't want to talk about that just yet I just wanna hang out maybe you me an Allen I always though he was fun and he ain't so bad as they made him out to be the best minds of your generation may have been starving hysterical naked but the best minds of my generation are wallowing and dead
So remember we can write together if you just wanna come be with me you know you soothe my headache when I don't know what to feel when all those tears can't hide anymore beneath
I always pretended Jack when I read your book that I was you and you were me cause then I'd have something to say and people would care and then I would never feel this way and you know Jack that's all I ever wanted so take me now erase my stature erase me take me now Jack take me now take me take me take me take me
on the road with you
and we'll never come back even if they want us to.

wimpy

Today I went to Wimpy's with Jerry and his brother Alistair. Wimpy's burgers are truly the greatest burgers ever.

I can't believe reading break is in two weeks... Hopefully I will be going on the TCF retreat this the 10-12, but I don't know whether or not my shift got covered... and I probably won't know til around Tuesday, which is indeed cutting it short. Oh well.

jealous : kind

Some of you read my blog cause you wanna know what's going on in my life. Some of you read it for my poetry... some of you read it for both.

I have decided to start a new poetry blog and keep this as my "life" blog. My reasons are as follows:

1. It is convienient to have all my poems in one place
2. It looks better for resumes (e.g. if I want to get published)
3. I try to keep this blog "clean," e.g. no swearing, no "questionable" content... this can be limiting for poetry.

As a warning, the new blog is explicit. There may be themes / content some of you may take offence to. Therefore, if you feel you might be offended, don't read it. Otherwise, enjoy, leave comments, have fun.

JEALOUS : KIND
http://jealouskindpoetry.blogspot.com

viceroy, viceroy

Hold this up to your memory:
a circus curiosity; your bill
of rights and proselytizing bear-hugs.
King James gave me papercuts in spring
and you pervert me with your baby Jesus sugar.