the irony is not lost

Peterborough has been experiencing brownouts for a few hours now, I don't know how widespead they are as I have not seen any news yet... anyway when I got home from work the power was out so the only thing I could do was listen to music on my lappy with its 1.5 hours of battery life left... I put on the song "We Are Tomorrow" by Bleach and when it hit the chorus and the band says "It's our time to shine" the power immediately came back on! Creepy!

velvet

I bought a book today that I assumed I was going to hate.

You see, I have become rather fascinated by what is unofficially known as "The Emerging Church" and, under its official title, the "Emergent." (Technically these are different things despite being so similar in name).

This movement contains both positive and negative elements and is difficult to contextualize. For example, my exposure to the Emerging Church began with Mark Driscoll, one of its founders, who is now one of the foremost critics of others within the movement. The above linked article is a decent overview but has its flaws.

I have heard that the Emerging Churches are saving Christianity... I have also heard that they are heretical neo-liberals. But wait, Mark Driscoll is highly conservative in his theology. Get it? Hard to pin down.

There's this guy named Rob Bell who is really important in the "Emergent Village," the apparently more liberal minded "official" stream of Emerging Churches. He wrote this book called "Velvet Elvis." Some people love it, others, including most of my friends of the reformed persuasion think that it is heretical trash.

Of course, if there is one thing that I have learned in university it is that I have to critically analyze texts for myself. And if there is one thing I've learned in the bible it is that I have to test all things and hold on to the good.

With this in mind I can honestly say that I am led by the Spirit of God to read this book, so I bought it... It's hard for me to really explain, but the only thing I've been able to think about in my devotions lately is this book. I wake up and the front cover is in my mind. It's the only thing I've been able to think about, "I must read this book."

I'm surprised, challenged, thoughtful. Two chapters in and it has me on my toes, it in one hand the bible in the other. A lot of what it has to say is valid and worth consideration, and some of it is postmodern questioning for the sake of asking questions. It's not all heresy, but I'd have to say that some of the ideas presented are heretical. So I'm going to hold on to the good and reject the bad. I don't hate it... I don't love it either.

Expect more thoughts later.

I am afraid of childrens

There is nothing else like your own impending, imminently foreseeable marriage to make you think about your future and your motivations. And there is something I have learned recently, notably, that I am absolutely terrified of having children. The thought of having a small defenseless creation of God in my custody disturbs me. The realization that this is something which may occur sooner rather than later creates an unfathomable shock to my system. Not only am I afraid of the concept of being responsible for a child, I am also afraid that I will not be able to provide... and the selfish part of me is also afraid of losing my relatively burden free middle-class bohemian lifestyle.

Let's take stock of the facts here: In approximately 11 months I will be marrying a wonderful woman. I will have just graduated from a professional program that qualifies me as a teacher of English and History at the secondary level and I will have no guarantees of permanent (or even temporary) employment in that field. My wife will have one more year of university and will also have a relatively large student loan debt to pay off the year following. That is not easy. Add to that the prospect of a dependent child and it makes me want to duck for cover.

I'm really afraid of screwing up my family, or of not being able to provide for my family, or even of waking up one day with the largest chip on my shoulder towards my family. I am afraid that I will be a bad example of Christ and that I will push my children away from him. And I believe worst of all, I have a hard time trusting God for timing in this whole issue.

It would be nice, for example, to not have a child while Rachel is still in school and I am not gainfully employed. However even if we were to use every form of birth control known to man there is no guarantee that she will not get pregnant because frankly, it is God's decision when and how we have our children.

As much as this scares me what it boils down to is that I need to trust God. Children may be scary but they are also humbling, because in the end, my success as a man will be defined by my children and not my me. It doesn't matter how successful I appear on the outside or whether or not my children grow up comfortably... what is important is that my children grow up to love the Lord, and that they love him even more than me. My success as a man will be measured by my sons being God-fearing husbands who live with their wives with understanding; and by my daughters knowing they are beautiful and unconditionally loved, valuing both womanhood and motherhood.

This is something that this self-centred childish man cannot accomplish without humility and trust. Humbly serving both God and Rachel, and trusting both God and Rachel with my life, my hopes, my accomplishments, my fears, my life, and most of all my heart.

This has been prompted by conversations with Rachel and others. I hope that these observations may be profitable to others in similar and different situations... most of all my prayer is that I would grow to be a Godly man and father, and that I will be able to trust God with my future, both distant and imminent. He is sovereign after all, and he has brought me this far along.

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
the very flame of the LORD.
7 Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
all the wealth of his house,
he would be utterly despised.

(Song of Solomon 8:6-7, ESV)

Good News

A few months ago I mentioned that I have Grave's Hyperthyroidism and asked for prayer. I have good news regarding this issue! It turns out that my thyroid is slowly correcting itself so that it produces thyroid hormone at the proper rate (around 25). When I was first diagnosed my rate was in the 60s, on my most recent blood work it was at 11, less than normal rate! This means that I am taking too much medication, so my rate has been dropped down to 2 pills a day, with the chance that I will be taken off pills altogether within the next two months.

That would be a complete healing folks, and that would be good. It would allow me to more easily serve overseas if I am led... So thank you for your prayers, and please keep it coming so that I will be able to stop taking pills as soon as possible.

Grace & Truth

Truth without grace breeds a self-righteousness legalism that poisons the church and pushes the world away from Christ. Grace without truth breeds moral indifference and keeps people from seeing their need for Christ. [Randy Alcorn, "The Grace and Truth Paradox"]

I recently had a conversation with someone I know but don't often see from TCF. Certain issues came up, and eventually I quoted a sort of proverb that I obviously must of heard someone say before because it was too good to be mine! What I said was "Truth without grace is judgment; grace without truth is license." I believe Randy got it better than me, but the point got me thinking.

It seems to me that most Christians are either "Truth Christians" or "Grace Christians," and that we collectively lack the humility to be both. In North America we particularly have a lack of grace that leads many people being excluded from the church and us being labeled as hypocrites. Some seek to remedy this by ignoring sin, and but this as well doesn't work No one will come to Christ unless they are convicted that they are a terrible sinner.

Jesus would be the best example of grace and truth working together. For example, one popular biblical passage (John 8) discusses Jesus' response toth e religious leaders presenting him with an adulteress, who, according to Jewish law, should be stoned.

Jesus' response is intriguing. First, he draws some pictures on the ground. I have no idea why! But then he says "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." According to the biblical law, only those who were innocent of the sin being punished could participate in the stoning. In this case the sin was sexual, and you'd be hard pressed to find a man, any man, who has never lusted after a woman! So all the men disappear. Notably Jesus didn't deny the Jewish law, he just expected them to follow it all.

The only one there who could justifiably stone the woman was Jesus, but instead he shows her grace: he doesn't. But he also shows her truth: he tells her "Leave your life of sin." This simple statement is not necessarily as easy as it looks. Considering the laws of the middle east in Jesus' era, if this woman was sleeping around she probably wasn't married. Most likely she was a prostitute and made her living off of her body. She also (obviously) didn't have the best reputation. In order for her to "leave her life of sin" she would have to trust that she could make an income in another way (most women didn't work), but also she would have to fight to build a reputation as a good woman because everyone knew her as a whore.

So, her life was saved, but it would not be easy to live from now on. It is like being a Christian in every way. Jesus shows us the holes in his hands proving that our sin is forgiven and that we will go to heaven! But then he looks at us sternly and says "Leave your life of sin... take up your cross and follow me."

Have you?

That requires humility, that we be full of grace and truth, that we show the world God's unquenchable love for us, but also his wrath that is only quenchable by the blood from his son's veins. It is always a dichotomy. Fear and love, friends.

Cooking with Noah

Something you may not know about me is that I enjoy cooking. Here's a little recipe I dreamed up for Rachel and I the other day, quick, easy, tasty, and it looks nice too! Warning, it's spicy!

Ingredients:

2 Boneless Skinless Chicken breasts (cut into bite sized pieces)
Dash of Cajun Spice
Dash of Salt
1 tbsp Canola Oil
3 cloves Garlic (minced)
1 Sweet Green Pepper (diced and seeded)
1 Sweet Yellow Pepper (diced and seeded)
2 Jalapeno Peppers (chopped)
1 Tomato (diced)
1 can regular pasta sauce
1 bag whole wheat rotini
Tabasco sauce to taste

Directions:

1. Dredge chicken pieces in Cajun spice until coated
2. Using Canola oil, sear chicken, peppers, and garlic in a saucepan on medium heat
3. When chicken is white, add tomato and pasta sauce. Turn to low heat and let simmer for 10 minutes, stirring often. Add Tabasco sauce to taste.
4. Cook pasta in boiling water with salt until it reaches desired tenderness
5. Drain pasta, serve in bowls with sauce mixture on top. Add more Tabasco sauce to taste.

Serves 4. For less heat reduce amount of Tabasco sauce and/or remove 1 Jalapeno pepper

Crazy times

Get ready for a long post.... this one will be what we did this weekend/why Queen's sucks/life lessons etc.... so sit back and relax.

first the run down of the weekend:

Friday

• leave at 5:45pm after working til 3:30pm, cutting it super close
• 7:45, arrive in Toronto, buy bus pass, head to Rotate This, a great indie record store. They were closing about ten seconds after we arrived so I just told the guys what I was looking for and they happily helped me find it before they closed.
• around 10-ish we get to my Dad's and hang out for a while before going to sleep

Saturday

• Go downtown around 12pm, go shopping on Queen for clothes etc. Hang out at Chapters. Lose bus pass. Cuss out losing bus pass. Buy new bus pass.
• We then went to the Delta Chelsea for the wedding and pulled the getting changed in the bathrooms.
• The wedding was great... I've decided that the most romantic thing an engaged couple can do is go to someone else's wedding... it's a way to prepare/take it in... it means more now that it will be happening in our lives as well.
• Eat food and drink alcohol. Briefly evangelize a man at our table, following lead from another brother who we had never met before.
• Best beef tenderloin ever
• Rachel's friends are awesome people

Sunday

• Hang out with James, an old friend who is now a professional graphic designer. It's great to see him again. We indulged in a bit of nostalgia with the consumption of Saint Cinnamon buns. Mmmm....
• Took dad out for late fathers day at Swiss Chalet, also got him a cd, a family love affair!
• Went back to dad's, got hair cut (and how!) ate supper
• Back to the station to come home.
• 11:00pm arrive home

Some observations:

• Dad and Geannie are quite fun, although our schedule was packed I feel we had a lot of time to hang out, perhaps it's that I'm more comfortable now, but it was also just really fun too!
• Losing track of people sucks
• Weddings are awesome
• Rachel is awesome, and I am even more thankful for her now
• Good music is just good music

Loot list:

• 2 American Apparel fine jersey buttoned leisure style shirts (for the purposes of looking professional and feeling comfortable at Con Ed placements
• Scott Pilgrim and the Infinite Sadness (volume 3 in the hilarious alt-rock/anime digest comic by Bryan Lee O'Malley, funny and up to par with his older stuff)
• Bible Doodles (a weird little stapled chapbook of sorts by Craig Thompson. It contains about 40 pages of short graphic stories based on the bible from his non-believing but raised in the church perspective. Never heard of it before but I love his stuff a lot. Probably a collector's item of sorts)

CDs:

(this is more than I've bought in a while, although following this I'm going to cut back again... I think this time I should go at least a month without buying any records at all. After all, soon enough I will have to buy essential items, like food, rent, etc. instead of just buying music... I do love it but recognize that I can be too gung ho about it. With that in mind, the last cds for a while:)

Aphex Twin- On (British EP) [this was a find! Rare-ish 1993 EP, the original British version. None of the 4 songs were ever released on anything again and it has become quite rare now. "On" was the first extremely successful single by Aphex Twin. Jarvis Cocker of Pulp directed the music video too!]

Aphex Twin- Richard D. James Album [self-titled I guess?! Often critically considered as his best work, and it is quite good stuff, Jungle style beats over ambient piano and samples... creates a very unique atmosphere.]

The Appleseed Cast- Low Level Owl Volume 2 [Unfortunately couldn't find vol 1, this album is mostly instrumental, it is great chill out music]

The Appleseed Cast- Two Conversations [a lot of people love it and it contains their best known song, I haven't really heard it yet though]

Bear Vs. Shark- Right Now, You're In The Best Of Hands... [first of only two bvs albums, not as classic as Terrorhawk but songs like "Ma Jolie" are among the best. A great record.]

Neutral Milk Hotel- On Avery Island [similar to bvs this band had only two records, a great debut followed by an absolute classic. This is the debut, what I've heard is good, very different feel from their second and better record though]

PART II: Why Queen's Sucks

They put my placement in Bowmanville... How on earth am I going to get to Bowmanville everyday for 6 months, hmmm? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Holds back urge to cuss out Queen's)

Well anyway, it's late and I should sleep, been awake too long and I have lots of laundry to do tomorrow. Took some fun pics that should make it up on facebook soonish, keep your eyes open for those!

Toronto

Well Rach and I are off to TO for a wedding... and for some sweet shopping action! See you all next week!

Unto Death?

This is not a study but an observation, in terms of studies within the next few months I'll be posting an essay on the Spiritual Gift of Discernment (expect 3000+ words), and possibly a quick(?!) study on 2 Timothy 3. But until then, this:

I've recently been saddened by noticing the amount of Christians(?) I know who are fallen away from God/the church. I will not name names, as this is not Noah's rumor mill, but there is at least 10-12 people I know, of different ages and backgrounds, friends/mentors/pastors and others who at one point showed an intense love for Christ but now are disgruntled and don't give a crap.

All of them people who taught me about God, molded me into who I am today, and influenced me specifically in my Christian life. The part that really sucks though is that these people mostly didn't just wake up one day and decide that Jesus wasn't for them, instead it was a result of being fed up with the church's hypocrisy and/or being pushed away from the church by other Christians. Once void of fellowship, they were left to Spiritual predators and Satan the ravenous lion had his way with their souls. I feel there is nothing I can do to reach out to these people from my past.

For the record I am a firm Calvinist. I will go along with Charles Spurgeon on this one... I have my own private beliefs regarding biblical doctrines and "Calvinism" is just a nickname given to "the Gospel." I believe in salvation by grace alone through faith alone. I believe in the inherent sinfulness of humanity from conception, and in the divine election of the Saints by God unto salvation. I also firmly believe in the doctrine of eternal security, that once one commits their live to Christ that nothing, no plot of man or the devil, even of themselves, can loose them from the grip and love of God.

When I see my fallen friends I am left with two options that either, a) they never knew Christ to begin with, or b) they do know Christ and are backslidden. Neither option appeals to me but both are in agreement with Scripture on the topic. I do not claim to understand this, but it makes me really sad.

We are not resurrected unto death, but unto life, and once one has tasted of that life why would they again choose death? Why do I so often choose the rotten death of this world over the freedom inherent in the Gospel? Do I care about my eternal soul? Do I love Jesus? Is God my father or my General? Do I truly understand that God's will is one of blessing and not of cursing? This makes me want to scream expletives at the top of my lungs.

Will I stand among those to whom Christ says "well done good and faithful servant" or will I stand among the deserters shamed by my sin and my pathetic stupidity?

oh God forgive me