...with bells

Good evening. Things are fairly busy. Almost the end of March, in the next week I need to pack up my entire room and, along with Rach, put the finishing touches on the wedding plans. Saturday is going to be "buying suits day" for Jer and me, with Rach and Steph dutifully helping out (read: picking the suits for us).

I also need to complete a resume and portfolio for my exit conference as well as find a job. I will specifically be looking into the field of technical writing & editing, but I will also apply to "lesser positions"... because basically, I need a job to pay rent and afford to eat. Food before dignity I says!!!

And by the way, for the past seven weeks I have survived on a solid diet of Miles Davis and Underworld. Accordingly, my belated birthday present from my Dad consisted of Miles Davis' classic In A Silent Way and Underworld's latest Oblivion with Bells. As a fairly obsessed and consistent fan, I tend to look more favorably on it than many of the reviews, although I agree that some of the unadorned vocals are fairly bad. Some are good though too, and there are at least 3-4 songs to add to the regular live canon. Tis good, not great, but to a fan like myself quite nice to hear.

Also there is a rumor afoot that Underworld will be the opening act on the North American leg of Radiohead's In Rainbows tour. If that is the case it promises to be amazing. They'll be in Toronto sometime in August. Rach and I are there like shareware!

when Hollywood runs out of Indians only the Indians will know

Well, I am in Peterborough still, and yes, I do exist. I've just been keeping myself very busy. Here's a breakdown:

Work/School: Yeah, for ONE class I prep at least 2 hours a night, and that's on top of traveling time and such craziness, this eats most of my time.

Wedding: Planning a wedding / maintaining sanity within my relationship with Rachel eats up the majority of the rest of my time. It's first in importance though.

You: You being the rest of my friends. I'd like to see you / I have seen you, but it takes time!

And while doing most of those things, chances are I am listening to way, way too much Radiohead.

Anyway, back to marking and lesson planning.

More updating

So it turns out that there is a coffee shop that is near the church that has free wireless internets!!! So I went to Bethel Tabernacle... turns out it happens to be the church that Caroline Cuthbert attends... also turns out the preaching was awesome so I think I'll be going there regularly. Today I need to get in contact with Sybil somehow... kind of hoping she gets her internet going or that it is not too expensive to phone her on a pay phone... the reason being I'm already downtown and I don't want to walk the hour back home to phone her then walk an hour back downtown to meet her for the movie.... argh

Anyway, Kingston is being good to me so far, and God is certainly faithful. I don't take it as a coincidence that the church that Jim pointed out to me is also the church that Caroline goes to... I will choose to take this as a hint from God that he wants me there, after all, I don't believe in coincidences.

Another interesting thing: I received an e-mail today from a woman that I haven't heard from in a while... she is one of the people who helped lead me to Christ over six years ago at Alpha in Norwood... apparently she reads my blog! It's funny what the internet can do.

That's all for now, I have to do some reading for my essay that is due on the second day of class. I guess this whole grad school thing isn't a party after all, byes.

I am in Kingston now

First of all, Kingston is freaking beautiful. The population is similar to Peterborough but it is very spread out. There are tons of trees and greenery, cliffs, and of course, Lake Ontario visible from my classrooms and a massive river running through town. Absolutely breathtaking.

The man I'm living with is named Jim McTavish and he is certainly a blessing from God. On my first night he drove me all around Kingston to show me where everything is, and he even took me out for dinner to a spicy, spicy thai restaurant (and he paid too!) Much better than a dorm for sure! I am thankful for his kindness.

Also he is the first true "Liberal Christian" I have ever met. He rejects pretty much the entirety of scripture as authority, but he reads theology and goes to a couple different church meetings. He also recommended a church that fits "my spiritual needs"... an associated gospel church called Bethal Tabernacle. They are reformed but as far as I can see also charismatic to some extent and apparently they have some rockin' worship, I'll be checking them out this Sunday.

The Kingston downtown also makes me happy. With 2 colleges and 1 university it is entirely aimed at young folks. The main street has a bunch of indie record shops and even an American Apparel (yes!) and to appease my homesickness, the sister Chumleigh's is located in downtown Kingston... lol I just need to not become as regular a customer as I am at home because I don't have a job anymore!

That's all for now, any Kingston folks better give me some love soon before I get lonely!

I am afraid of childrens

There is nothing else like your own impending, imminently foreseeable marriage to make you think about your future and your motivations. And there is something I have learned recently, notably, that I am absolutely terrified of having children. The thought of having a small defenseless creation of God in my custody disturbs me. The realization that this is something which may occur sooner rather than later creates an unfathomable shock to my system. Not only am I afraid of the concept of being responsible for a child, I am also afraid that I will not be able to provide... and the selfish part of me is also afraid of losing my relatively burden free middle-class bohemian lifestyle.

Let's take stock of the facts here: In approximately 11 months I will be marrying a wonderful woman. I will have just graduated from a professional program that qualifies me as a teacher of English and History at the secondary level and I will have no guarantees of permanent (or even temporary) employment in that field. My wife will have one more year of university and will also have a relatively large student loan debt to pay off the year following. That is not easy. Add to that the prospect of a dependent child and it makes me want to duck for cover.

I'm really afraid of screwing up my family, or of not being able to provide for my family, or even of waking up one day with the largest chip on my shoulder towards my family. I am afraid that I will be a bad example of Christ and that I will push my children away from him. And I believe worst of all, I have a hard time trusting God for timing in this whole issue.

It would be nice, for example, to not have a child while Rachel is still in school and I am not gainfully employed. However even if we were to use every form of birth control known to man there is no guarantee that she will not get pregnant because frankly, it is God's decision when and how we have our children.

As much as this scares me what it boils down to is that I need to trust God. Children may be scary but they are also humbling, because in the end, my success as a man will be defined by my children and not my me. It doesn't matter how successful I appear on the outside or whether or not my children grow up comfortably... what is important is that my children grow up to love the Lord, and that they love him even more than me. My success as a man will be measured by my sons being God-fearing husbands who live with their wives with understanding; and by my daughters knowing they are beautiful and unconditionally loved, valuing both womanhood and motherhood.

This is something that this self-centred childish man cannot accomplish without humility and trust. Humbly serving both God and Rachel, and trusting both God and Rachel with my life, my hopes, my accomplishments, my fears, my life, and most of all my heart.

This has been prompted by conversations with Rachel and others. I hope that these observations may be profitable to others in similar and different situations... most of all my prayer is that I would grow to be a Godly man and father, and that I will be able to trust God with my future, both distant and imminent. He is sovereign after all, and he has brought me this far along.

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
the very flame of the LORD.
7 Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
all the wealth of his house,
he would be utterly despised.

(Song of Solomon 8:6-7, ESV)

Crazy times

Get ready for a long post.... this one will be what we did this weekend/why Queen's sucks/life lessons etc.... so sit back and relax.

first the run down of the weekend:

Friday

• leave at 5:45pm after working til 3:30pm, cutting it super close
• 7:45, arrive in Toronto, buy bus pass, head to Rotate This, a great indie record store. They were closing about ten seconds after we arrived so I just told the guys what I was looking for and they happily helped me find it before they closed.
• around 10-ish we get to my Dad's and hang out for a while before going to sleep

Saturday

• Go downtown around 12pm, go shopping on Queen for clothes etc. Hang out at Chapters. Lose bus pass. Cuss out losing bus pass. Buy new bus pass.
• We then went to the Delta Chelsea for the wedding and pulled the getting changed in the bathrooms.
• The wedding was great... I've decided that the most romantic thing an engaged couple can do is go to someone else's wedding... it's a way to prepare/take it in... it means more now that it will be happening in our lives as well.
• Eat food and drink alcohol. Briefly evangelize a man at our table, following lead from another brother who we had never met before.
• Best beef tenderloin ever
• Rachel's friends are awesome people

Sunday

• Hang out with James, an old friend who is now a professional graphic designer. It's great to see him again. We indulged in a bit of nostalgia with the consumption of Saint Cinnamon buns. Mmmm....
• Took dad out for late fathers day at Swiss Chalet, also got him a cd, a family love affair!
• Went back to dad's, got hair cut (and how!) ate supper
• Back to the station to come home.
• 11:00pm arrive home

Some observations:

• Dad and Geannie are quite fun, although our schedule was packed I feel we had a lot of time to hang out, perhaps it's that I'm more comfortable now, but it was also just really fun too!
• Losing track of people sucks
• Weddings are awesome
• Rachel is awesome, and I am even more thankful for her now
• Good music is just good music

Loot list:

• 2 American Apparel fine jersey buttoned leisure style shirts (for the purposes of looking professional and feeling comfortable at Con Ed placements
• Scott Pilgrim and the Infinite Sadness (volume 3 in the hilarious alt-rock/anime digest comic by Bryan Lee O'Malley, funny and up to par with his older stuff)
• Bible Doodles (a weird little stapled chapbook of sorts by Craig Thompson. It contains about 40 pages of short graphic stories based on the bible from his non-believing but raised in the church perspective. Never heard of it before but I love his stuff a lot. Probably a collector's item of sorts)

CDs:

(this is more than I've bought in a while, although following this I'm going to cut back again... I think this time I should go at least a month without buying any records at all. After all, soon enough I will have to buy essential items, like food, rent, etc. instead of just buying music... I do love it but recognize that I can be too gung ho about it. With that in mind, the last cds for a while:)

Aphex Twin- On (British EP) [this was a find! Rare-ish 1993 EP, the original British version. None of the 4 songs were ever released on anything again and it has become quite rare now. "On" was the first extremely successful single by Aphex Twin. Jarvis Cocker of Pulp directed the music video too!]

Aphex Twin- Richard D. James Album [self-titled I guess?! Often critically considered as his best work, and it is quite good stuff, Jungle style beats over ambient piano and samples... creates a very unique atmosphere.]

The Appleseed Cast- Low Level Owl Volume 2 [Unfortunately couldn't find vol 1, this album is mostly instrumental, it is great chill out music]

The Appleseed Cast- Two Conversations [a lot of people love it and it contains their best known song, I haven't really heard it yet though]

Bear Vs. Shark- Right Now, You're In The Best Of Hands... [first of only two bvs albums, not as classic as Terrorhawk but songs like "Ma Jolie" are among the best. A great record.]

Neutral Milk Hotel- On Avery Island [similar to bvs this band had only two records, a great debut followed by an absolute classic. This is the debut, what I've heard is good, very different feel from their second and better record though]

PART II: Why Queen's Sucks

They put my placement in Bowmanville... How on earth am I going to get to Bowmanville everyday for 6 months, hmmm? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Holds back urge to cuss out Queen's)

Well anyway, it's late and I should sleep, been awake too long and I have lots of laundry to do tomorrow. Took some fun pics that should make it up on facebook soonish, keep your eyes open for those!

fun times

Hrmmm.... Yesterday was nice... The whole day went well except for one detail... notably I went downtown for the purpose of getting a police record check for Con Ed, but the office is only open Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, sooo looks like I'll be heading back over to the PO-lice stashun again today.

On the bright side, It turns out that Disc Depot is selling ALL their cds 3 for $10, which is a great deal and gave me an excuse to pick up a couple discs I've wanted for a while but for various reasons haven't got... also I found Sullivan's debut album Hey, I'm a Ghost, which combines the best of Further Seems Forever and Anberlin musically but unfortunately their singer has the tendency to hit notes of Michael Sweet of Stryper proportions... but it grows on ya after a while! At least the music ain't as cheesy as Stryper!

After that I made my way to Jerry's for some casual hang outs... We also checked out Future Shop and had some Mr. Sub... yum. Following dinner we picked up Rach and went to Braidwood Bible Chapel for Wednesday night study, for the final installment of Church History as taught by Steven Yuille. Surely a blessing.

After a quick stop at the Beer Store we came back to my place, joined by Todd & Heather and Paul & Erika. It's been a while since I've had that many people over... it was lots of fun. Well, I guess I better get heading over to the police station, see ya!

Whitby and the 'Shwa

Today I went to Whit(e)by and the 'Shwa with Steve, Jer, and Sybil. Sarah was a gonna come but somethin' came up so she couldn't.

We went mainly because I received a gift certificate for Best Buy from my Dad for graduation, and Whitby has the nearest Best Buy. Plus it was a great excuse to go to Teddy's Restaurant in the 'Shwa, the OC, and Deja Vu Discs.

We all had fun, I got some Bose speakers for my compy, and they sound heavenly... I knew that Bose have a rep for really high quality audio reproduction, but I didn't think such rich and, well, three-dimensional sound could come from two small speakers... Great Success!!! Thanks Dad!

When we hit up the CD shops I got some new records to try out on the speakers as well!

Cool Hand Luke- Wake Up O Sleeper [one of the few "CCM" bands I dig, nice dreamy pop worship-y stuff]

Few Left Standing- Wormwood [long forgotten record by a long forgotten hardcore act, I heard the song "Burn Me to the Ground" on This is Solid State vol. 3 and have wanted this record since. Five years later I finally find a copy, dusty, sitting on the shelf in an old Christian Bookstore. Very nice. These guys would've blown up if it wasn't for the fact that they broke up as this was hitting the shelves. I guess being married and supporting their families was more important than playing in a band! Duh!]

Smashing Pumpkins- Pisces Iscariot [nice selection of b-sides/outtakes/covers from the first few years. Some of these songs are as good as or better than songs that actually made the records, others are fun in their weirdness, and others invoke "What were they thinking?" factor]

Dinner at Teddy's was nice as well. Came home and went on a date with Rach, had fun times getting caught up as it's been about a week, stupid working different hours!

On another note please pray for me, I did something to screw up my foot a few days ago (God knows what) and so every day I wake up with a dull pain that eventually becomes so terrible that I find it difficult to walk. This sucks, as I walk everywhere and my job requires me to stand for 8 hours a day. Anyway, I'm off to bed, early morning tomorrow!

Gradiduationedzes

Lis10in: The Smashing Pumpkins- I of the Mourning Everyone called MACHINA/The Machines of God the worst Pumpkins record. I disagree... Don't let your appreciation of this record be tainted by your Adore disappointments. I would say that I dig this more than Adore and also more than Gish. The lyrics are Billy's best too. It's too bad the production is so processed though. Got it for $4.99 so I ain'ts complainins

The past few days have been quite packt (like sardines in a crushd tin box). Thursday was my gradiduation from Trent University. So now I can prove to you that I can speak good. So, tso good. The ceremony was... um, distorted by hail the size of ice cubes which enjoyed cutting my fingers open. Following was some dinna avec Dad (from TO) and Rach at Hot Belly Mamma's, one of teh best restaurants in this town.

On Friday I hung out with my dad and we had some good conversationings. I also found the elusive Metroid II: The Return of Samus for use on my old skool Gameboy system (the original, folks). This was at the Hock Shop. The game play has some unique features... much simpler control than on Super Metroid, but also harder to master the intricacies of movement.

I also went to Emmaus with Rach and picked up the book Listening to the Beliefs of Emerging Churches on a recommendation from Erin Doherty. It includes 5 chapters from different "Emerging" pastors about essential doctrine, etc. Each other writer then responds, so it is kinda like an academic roundtable discussion. Apparently I should like the first chapter (Driscoll) but become increasingly pissed off as I go on. We'll see. Three cheers for comparative theology!!!

Also werkt midnights last night and tonight.... sux. But next week it is all days. Yays. That is all fer nowz.

EDIT: It also turns out that this was my 500th blog posting.

It is over

I am now officially a university graduate, just had my last exam today.

In other news, Derek Webb will be releasing a new album entitled "The Ringing Bell." The first pressing will come with a 96 page(!) graphic novel. You can pre-order this edition of the record here. As an added bonus, when you pre-order the album you will be granted access to download the entire album on MP3. This is quite nice as the album's street date is May 1. So go order it now for $20 and get the cd, the massive graphic novel, and the MP3 downloads!

Dennis Lee

Wow.

The poetry reading tonight was amazing. Laid back yet formal, simple yet enlightening. It also turned out to be the launch party Dennis Lee's new book yesno. This makes me officially the second person to own a copy. Someone beat me to the table!

Cervantes is super classy and provided some free appetizers that were amazing. Dennis read most of his new book and a few from his teen poetry book So Cool to break the ice. About half an hour of reading. He's genuinely a great performer as well. At one point in the evening he randomly sat down at the table where I was directly across from me, which gave me some time to gush praises! He also gave me some writing advice and signed my book "To Noah, Good luck! Dennis Lee"

After he signed it as I was walking away he punched me in the shoulder and said, "Really, good luck with the poetry writing!"

I also drank 3/4 of a litre of amazing red wine. Hello headache! (Good red wine gives me a headache even when I don't get drunk!) Val and Steve Hayes were also in attendance.

Good times... now to finish my sessay!

beats

Well, well... lots of news some good some bad.

Found out my last three assignments are not all due on the same day, but instead staggered over a few weeks which makes my life happier. The last one is due on April 4, which makes way for...

Going to Rachel's house for easter! I get to meet the whole fam including her very British grandmother, so no "I hate that stupid monarchy" comments.

Something quite bad happened this week, but I will not divulge it here, talk to me if you want to know.

Also I have discovered the wonderful world of electronica / techno... notably artists such as Daft Punk (thanks Steve) and The Chemical Brothers. I dig the Chems a bit more, got 3 of their records and its great stuff. Dig Your Own Hole is the best record I've heard in a long time.

Enjoy your week.

Tags anyone?

Hmmm.... I am slowly realizing that I need to start work on the 3 assignments that are all due on March 30th or I'll be a sad, sad boy....

Listening to: Neutral Milk Hotel- Oh Comely AMG describes these guys as "a marching band on acid." Apt description. This song is more of a pseudo-ballad. It's long, like the American Pie of low-fi indie-rock. There singer reminds me of a less annoying combination of Violent Femmes' Gordon Gano and Jeff Suffering from Suffering and the Hideous Thieves. Highly recommended.

So I'm at Haaselton's because my Metaphysical poetry class was modified and shortened, and my facilitator job doesn't start til 6pm so I got some time. My BME belt buckle came in really fast, ordered it on Saturday and it arrived yesterday, talk about fast shipping. It's gorgeous too, 4 inches by 2 inches and excellent detail. I'm sure I will receive some comments on it (a picture of it and my toe here).

Read the first two sentences of Ephesians with Rachel yesterday... the sentences of Greek grammar tend to be long, covering at times 3-4 "verses" and entire English paragraphs. It's interesting ignoring those little superscript numbers and instead looking at the punctuation to guide my reading. That and Ephesians is the entirety of Christian doctrine summed up in 6 chapters. Very packed stuff, and since Rachel has the NKJV we got to discuss dispensationalism. We had a fruitful conversation about how to seek God, and how Christians need to be Godly in order to function as human beings.

Oh, I also plan to surprise everyone at the TCF Coffeehouse by doing something quite uncharacteristic of me...